It has been 18 months and I feel I am still recovering from having a baby. I am still nursing, which means some night feedings and lots of cuddles. I recently had to manage some thrush which I had not yet encountered in my personal breastfeeding experiences. I feel more in my body. I feel like I am taking more and more time away from baby to do things on my own. He is at an in-home daycare 3 days a week so I can work but when we are in the same building he is usually in my arms or on my lap.
My husband and I are very connected but not always in the same space as he travels frequently and 3 kiddos fills up our time. We get on dates and we make connection a priority when we are home together. This is not always or even usually sexytime but more connecting on our daily experiences, what we are going through & excited about in our careers, our parenting struggles and triumphs, and holding each other.
My focus has been on creating the life that I want to live. This means saying No to wonderful opportunities that do not fit with my goals and values, resting instead of doing more, spending more time in silence and meditation so I can better connect with others in my life. I feel very alive and connected to the world. I spend more time with friends than ever, supporting them on their motherhood journeys and enjoying our time together.
Movement is still on the edge of my daily activities. I used to consider myself somewhat of an athlete but every time I makes plans to do structured exercise or run my body says No and I scale it back. I am okay with a quiet walk, gentle strengthening, & some stretches for now. I do not think anything is wrong or weak but I am not ready for that intensity just yet. I have little to no pain and feel like I can do everything I need to do without fatigue.
Postpartum time does not end. You are a new person, a new self, a new body, a new role. Use it as a time to get to know yourself. Realize you are still learning and growing. Have curiosity and grace for yourself as you make mistakes and refine how you want to live your life.