Have you been through all the emotions with being a mother during this pandemic? I have. Anger and fear, grief and frustration, anxiety and apathy. This is not how I wanted my life, how I thought my life would be when I had kids. They were spaced apart enough that I would only have 2 at home at a time while the oldest was in school. Now that the youngest is getting close to 2, we had him in daycare so I could focus more on my business and have some breathing space to manage my responsibilities around managing our home and family. So the middle was with family a few afternoons a week after her preschool. Everything was going so well, flowing along. And now it has been tossed in the air and I am still fitting the new pieces back together.
I love my kids. I do not love the mundane tasks of caring for them and their stuff, without a break in the chaos, and with almost no time for my own needs. This was the whole reason I started my business! to help new moms get on a positive start of setting up their life, with whatever resources they had, to help them feel successful, heal pain and discomfort, advocate for themselves and hold others accountable for the parts of life they did not need to be taking on themselves.
So now I am forced to do my own work with myself: Where can I fit in the things I need? What pain am I holding that I could do better at healing? How can I hold my family more accountable? What am I doing that is a barrier to my own success? How do I pair things down to what is manageable as I take on this role of childcare? How do I manage my own self regulation and emotions around what is going on in the world so I can still hold a safe space for my kids?
I haven't been a saint at it but I feel like we are finally starting to get into a healthy rhythm. I am able to cut down and focus on what I really need (morning yoga, bedtime before 10, a few hours a week to do my business work with clients, new fun class on biofields, and learning a new language, Buon Giorno!). I am letting go of things in my life that just do not work. It is amazing how much clarity I have when I can choose to not join a zoom meeting that I would have driven across the cities to go to when I had childcare.
What are you focusing on this summer? How are things going differently? What are you struggling with? I would love to hear from you and support you.
Look for my next post on 2 years postpartum coming soon! 2 YEARS ALREADY!